You know, I sometimes get the feeling, that something should work, even when it does not. Like my eyesight. Well, it works, but not as good as I would wish.
I’ve been short sighted for about thirty years by now and for the last few years I’m working on fixing what is wrong with my eyes, because somehow I don’t believe in our western explanation about eyeballs, that have grown too long. Why? Because in my opinion, nature had millions of years to perfect something as important (for us) as our eyesight and I believe in the power of nature.
So, where to start? Well, the name’s Bates, Dr William H. Bates, to be precise. Some people call him a quack, but he developed practices to improve eyesight. The last few years, more people developed their own set of practices. And while I am not following any of them regularly, I recognize the fact, that they believe it to be possible to improve eyesight. Up to what point remains up for discussion.
What is my theory? Well, I believe my muscles and fascia keep the score of my past lifestyle, where I suppressed my emotions and did not work my way through the many traumas I experienced. Therefore my muscles and fascia save this energy, tense up and I loose fine motor control of these parts of my body. I have experienced this many times over the last few years. Movements, that were not possible are possible now, after working through the energy stored in my body. I recognize this mainly while doing Zumba and Yoga.
In my opinion, the muscles and fascia around my eyes are susceptible to the same mechanism of tensing up and loosing fine motor control. While this is more or less fine in the legs (it probably leads to problems with walking and destroys knees later in life), it has a more immediate effect on eyesight. It gets blurry.
This would be part one. The muscles and fascia around the eyes themselves. Another part seems to be, that my eyes are connected to at least my feet, my lower legs, my pelvis, my digestive system as well as my shoulders, my neck and my jaw. While shoulders/neck and the pelvis are themselves interconnected in my experience, too.
I think the problem gets clear now. It’s not just the eyes I have to fix. My whole body needs to be in balance to fix my eyesight.
What do I do? First of all, I can’t rush things. It’s a lot of work. I put pressure on the system (my eyes) by doing a practice from Bates or any other who followed him. While doing this practice, I observe my body. Where does it strain? Then, for the next few days, I work on that strain and try to figure out, what its problem is. Repeat.
Now, I get to the reason of this post (I’m using these posts to find new insight). Because I have done, what I’ve described above for a few years now and I’m at a point, where my eyesight is sometimes better and sometimes worse. It’s fluctuating and I’m lacking control. Sometimes, I have a sensation of inner calm, that I need to grab and hold on to, but it slips out of my consciousness a few moments later. Like I’m not there yet. Like I’m missing a crucial part of information. Or worse even, like I am actively suppressing some energy my unconscious thinks will hurt me and therefore keeps it on an short leash.
I ask the universe to send me this information I need to finally have the inner calm, that I feel like I lost many many years ago. Maybe I even never had it. Like this life set me on a path of constant nerve overload and I cannot handle all the energy, that flows through my system. Maybe it is because I was neglected emotionally as a child or maybe this is just my journey in this life. I’ve been working my way out of constant overload. For years now, all I have practically done is calming down. Removing stress. Get my system to finally calm down. Out of survival mode, into one-with-the-universe-mode.
It is a journey which destination is somehow far away and everyday in reach. I never know, when I make another step towards whatever is the goal here. But I ask the universe to send me the information I need, to finally fix my eyesight.
Why am I not allowed to be at peace? What is dangerous about me being calm? What do you have to protect me from? What part of me is protecting me? What part of me is sacrificing itself to protect me from this pain? I thank this part of me for protecting me for so long. But I ask this part of me to give me the chance to feel this pain. Because I am capable now. I can handle the pain. You can resign your duties and come home to us, we missed you!
