You know, while my greater healing journey has begun about 10 years ago (one might say, the previous 30 years before that were setting the stage), my current journey started around February. My right knee began to hurt when I sat still for too long or when I sat on the floor with my kids. If you’re around my age, you probably know what I mean. It seems to be rather common and people seem to mostly ignore it. Until it breaks their knee, that is.
Well, I did not wait, until it got that bad. I started to investigate, my way. First, I had to make sure, nothing was severely broken. I asked my friend, who had just done a training with some renowned pain specialists. She showed me some practices, which should manage the problem, but which I also would do the rest of my life. I found that hard to integrate, because I probably would not do it and my knee would keep getting worse. She confirmed, that nothing was severely broken though. She also confirmed a long-held belief of mine, that my muscles were so tense, that they were pulling on the knee all the time.
With this, I went down the rabbit hole on a journey, that has led me through my whole body. But stay a while and listen…
I knew, that the knee often stands for our past, because it can only bend backwards. At the same time, our feet move us forward and the knee has an important role to play in that, too. So my past is holding me back, to move into the future? But what would that future be? What was my souls plan for me? On what quest was I, without knowing that I was on one?
What was interesting though, my knee did not keep me from doing anything special. It just hurt, when I kept it still for too long or when I put too much pressure on it.
At first, I tried to stop crossing my legs and something other I can’t remember right now, but I did not really get anywhere before my 300 hours yoga teacher training started. My knee did not keep me from doing that, either. Even though I was unable to do some asanas like Supta Vajrasana. But well…
Through Yoga I found out, that my knee would not hurt as much, when I tensed the muscles in my leg while sitting in a meditative position. I looked up, which muscle was the problem and I found it to be the one, that starts at my knee and goes all the way down below my foot. It helps to supinate my foot inside. This led me to look into the way I stand on my two feet and Yoga helped me with that.
In Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga, there is a posture called Samasthiti. It is done quite often and it goes like this:
Stand upright
Big toes together
Ankles slightly apart
Pull knees upward
Knees slightly bent
Tilt pelvic bone backwards (posterior 😁)
Chest up
Shoulders back and down
Chin slightly down
Arms on the side but not touching the body
Fingers straigt
Yes, Yoga has many details, but this was also helpful for me to realize, that often I straightened my knees while standing, which is probably bad, because I’m not using my muscles but my bones to stand on. Which puts a lot of pressure on the joint. Also, I tend to stand with my feet more in a V-shape. I’m not talking about toes together like in Samasthiti, but parallel would be something. It would also put less pressure on my lower back than a V-shape stand. Also a backwards tilted pelvic bone would be great for my lower back, which does hurt sometimes but is fine most of the time.
I developed the theory, that maybe this muscle pulling on my knee was not only too tense, but also unused. Because after some observation I realized, that my ankles also shifted inwards a little bit. I got the confirmation to this many years earlier, when I bought running shoes. Of course I never ran, but the person in the shop told me I would need support exactly where my foot now was falling inside.
So, how to lift the arch of the feet? I tried to stand more on the outside of my feet, but it proved to be not really controllable and probably too much. That one led me to the realization, that I was not using my big toes to stand. They were just lying there on the flor, unused. That one did the trick!. The big toes lift my arch just enough, to prevent my ankles from falling in.
Ok, regularly correcting my stand was in order. And you know what, my left knee started to hurt. One could panic now, but not me. No, I was sure I was on the right track, because my right knee got better. I had the feeling, that the problem with my knees was more of a symptom of my overall posture.
I also tried to work on the problem energetically, of course. Nothing really special happened there, but after a while, the pain moved again. I continued to correct my posture and the pain moved upwards my left side into my head. In a muscle, that is connected to my Atlas bone to be exact.
And for three weeks or more, I had the mother of all muscle tensions on the left side of my lower head. Sleeping was not easy, because I could not lift my head, when it was tilted to the left side. Driving a car and looking left, also no fun. Doing Trikonasana on the right side and looking upwards to my left hand, haha, no way.
Needless to say, that I have known for a long time, that my left side was somewhat broken. I just did not realize, that it was this bad. I also felt my left and right side not being of equal “height”. I never knew, if left was to high or right was to low. But I always felt skewed.
I’m not sure, if I am equal yet, because the pain moved again. This time to my upper back. But it is no “open” pain. This pain is still more suppressed. I’ll work on it nonetheless…
