Yesterday evening was the second session of my Tarot course and it keeps on giving. A few minutes into the session, I started to feel strange. My head was all “why am I here”, “this is a waste of time”. I also started to feel anxious and my body began to shake. Me being me, I was intrigued by the situation I found myself in.
To “pull it into the world”, I told the others about what was happening to me. They were sympathetic and one also told us, that she is feeling similar. Someone proposed to draw a card to get an answer, which I declined. I had a feeling, what was happening. I told them, that I probably will be off camera for a bit, but I will come back.
This is, what I did. As the feelings intensified and I couldn’t hold them back, I went to my meditation place. It practically burst out of me by then. My bodily reaction was nothing special. Screaming, crying, the usual. The body is rather limited in that respect, after all. More interesting were the sensations, that came along.
I once got burned as a witch and doing Tarot reminded me of that time. I don’t know for sure, if I did something similar back then. Probably not with Tarot de Marseilles cards, they were released in 1760 and probably took some time to spread. But Tarot cards were around long before that set.
It felt like I would tread on dangerous terrain, if I’d continue. I guess, this is what they had done to us by banning witchcraft and the old knowledge, when Christianity, or better it’s representatives on earth came along. After all, we were sleeping with the devil, they said. Doing some research on the witch trials in Germany at the time, I personally can see the devils elsewhere. I do not see Jesus’ will in the brutal acts they carried out. Luckily, we are at a different place right now. So, anything I had to do, was to allow myself to continue.
This is, when my second fear kicked in. It is related, but on a different level. I’ve had it several times now and this time, I actually drew a card:
La force - strength, capacity, might
There is a problem with powers, like the ones behind Tarot: they bite you, if you are not careful. Just like the dog might bite the hand of the woman on the card. Especially, if she is looking away, as she does. Powers can be tricky, because they flatter the ego. “Look at me, I can do Tarot and I’m good at it”. This can lead to a new obstacle on my journey, that is spiritual development.
The important thing is, that it is not me, doing Tarot. I am the medium through which the universe unfolds it’s powers. This is my test of character. Do I get carried away by those powers or can I let them go? Of course, I can let them go, I recognize the problem. Can you?
Love, Julia