You know, I have a mantra. It goes like this: “I break the circle of reincarnation within this lifetime”. Why do I want this life to be the last life?
Because I am done. I started 5000 years ago and it is time to stop doing this over and over. The duality. The pain, the happiness, the love, the pain. Have I mentioned the pain? Yes, this life is riddled with pain. I don’t know about yours. Mine has been hell for thirty years and for the last ten years, I’ve walked through this hell to finally find the way out. The path gets clearer:
I have traced back my previous lifes to my first life. I call her mother. I know, she is me, but she also is mother. She gave life to all of us in between. She was the perfect healer. She still had the perfect connection to the love of the universe. Sure, she was young and eager to experience duality. But she also was pristine in a very important way. She did not know the pain, that would follow in the millennia ahead.
Now, we are here and for a while, when I closed my eyes, I saw my previous lives as a timeline going back into the darknes. Until I found mother. She is my connection to the root, to brahma, to the universe, to god. Call it what you want. She is the beginning and the end at the same time. Because once I found her, my timeline collapsed in on itself. It closed and became a loop. She is me and I am her and we both are at the root. At the center of our universe.
This is probably, why I am drawn to her. Why I started to read about the great goddess of the old times, Frau Holle. Why I want to get back into the circle of the year, with its eight holidays, which were celebrated for probably thousands of years. Why I looked up spinning wheels today. Why the spinning wheel, my mother had standing around as decoration thirty years ago, intrigued me. Maybe, it is time for me, to become her again and let go of all the pain, that has happened since. Maybe, the way in is the way out. It would fit after all, the universe is funny in that way.
See you around. Love, Julia ❤️