You know, I have a strange life. Or maybe it is not strange, but I realize, what is happening and others do not. You tell me:
For me, my life feels like it follows a pre-defined path. Like my life is running on rails. I don’t say I have no choices. What I say is, that if a choice does not match my path, it does not work. It just is a lot of work without having to show anything for it.
Take my company for instance: I never intended to be an independent software developer with my own software to sell. It kind of happened because I am really good at making software. I didn’t even start out with software. I just was good with computers and people started to pay me for setting up their printer. At some point, I needed some software myself and I wrote it. I published it on the internet and someone found it. We developed it together until he started to pay me for it, because it was helping him with his business.
The internet was different back then. More quiet and less social. Today, everyone is screaming at me, to buy something. My company would not work, if I started it today. I was at the right place at the right time, so to say. Today, my company enables me to do all the things I need to, to follow my soul’s plan.
It’s like my company insulates me against the crazy world out there. It creates a safe space for me, where my own rules apply. I even go so far as to see it as it’s own entity. Legally it is, but it also feels like a spiritual being. One might call it an Egregore.
I tried several times to earn money with projects around my software or with different projects, but very few of them worked out. It feels like I’m confined to what my company is offering. Even more so, we tried to run ads, which did just do nothing except cost money. We raised our prices, but often the result was barely noticeable, because people cancelled or sized down on this occasion. I do not have the feeling, that I really can influence, what is happening. It’s more like I offer my company time and attention and in return, it takes care of me.
Interestingly, by accident, this way of earning money found me, that would be the least possible problem for my transition (hi, I’m transgender, btw.).
