Who am I?
No answer provided
You know, these past few weeks or maybe months even have been so crazy on an energetic level. I have been moving and moving and moving forward at an incredible speed.
The newest development happened just yesterday. I had two friends over and we were discussing a new course we are planning. It will be about yoga, self-care and related topics. I was sitting there, idly watching them planning the contents. Like I was hovering above a world not concerning me.
They noticed me being somewhat absent and I told them about my current state.
You know, how it is, when someone asks you, how you are? If you don’t tell them “I’m fine” right away, but take the time to really try to conjure up an answer? Like collapsing all of your current states of being into one single word? For me, that has been hard for a long time now.
The last few days, I added a new level to that experience. I started to ask myself, how I wanted to look. You know, just on a clothes level. What clothes would represent me to the outside world? And it’s the same issue as with the question of how I am feeling. I am unable to condense the multiple parts of me into a single image to present to this world.
And you know what? I came to the conclusion, that it’s fine. I will dress this body in a functional way. In a way, that it is not too hot or to cold. In a way, that it is appropriately dressed for the occasion it finds itself in.
Because yesterday I (whoever that is) realized, I am too big for this body. Come to think about it, maybe this is the reason, I am trans. I cannot condense myself to being male or female. Just like I cannot condense an answer to the seemingly simple question of how I am.
I am multiple at once. And even when someone else’s brain cannot comprehend that, mine somehow can. Like I said, the past few weeks have been intense.
