You know, experiencing the journey you can read about on this blog, I often ask myself, if I could go faster. It’s not that pleasant, after all. Yes, I do have very bright, joyful situations. At times, I am grateful to the point where I don’t know what to do with this huge amount of energy, other than gift it to my goddess. But at the same time, the good feelings usually are followed by another wave of less than bright experiences. Rather painful, to be exact.
So, why not go faster or stop?
The latter seems not to be possible for me. Well, it probably is not possible for anyone, but I am unable to ignore it the way, other people do. I cannot not care about my body, for example. And many of my experiences originate from my body. Because they are stuck in there. For hundreds of years, it seems. I can’t just go the the doctor, take some pill and forget about all the wisdom I collected. So, go faster?
Well, I tried that. After my 300 hours yoga teacher training, we did around three weeks of chakra shuddi (I wrote about it here). It means “chakra cleansing”. It’s a mystery to me, how the other participants could just sit there for the better part of an hour and not feel a thing. Or how I should “om” it away, like my teacher suggested. Because for me, it took a few minutes and my body started to tense up and I started to cry, scream and beat up the floor with my fists. Sure, I’ll just “om”.
After those three weeks, I fell into a hole. It took a while for me to realize, what was happening and to get myself back on my feet. So, what’s the problem?
I have made the experience, that my life has to follow my progress. Sometimes I first do something and the progress follows. On other occasions, it’s the other way around.
Here’s an example on how that works. In February, I wrote about failing to share my story. By July, I talk 30 minutes in front of strangers about the many benefits of being transgender. I buy an Harmonium and start to sing Mantras while playing on it. Both of which trigger my throat chakra so hard, that even the wind chime in my room tunes in on my screams.
This is why I chose Ouroboros for this post. It’s not clear, what triggers what. In the previous example, singing Mantras triggered my screaming. In the Chakra Shuddi example, what got me out of that hole, was signing up for a spirit healer course, to catch up with my inner state.
By now, I believe, that it is impossible to really go any faster or slower. Because I always have to integrate the necessary changes into my life. To do that, I have to find out, what the necessary changes are, first. And this both takes time. Time for my consciousness to process and for me to find a way to actually do it.
Because having an imbalance on either side hurts.
I guess, those are the physical limitations I am bound to. Evolution, so to speak.
